Boy Meets World

At 2:33 this morning, Grandkid made his entrance into the world to great fanfare and much joy (and relief). Eight pounds 13 ounces and a healthy set of lungs -- a born bagpiper if ever there was one. All are healthy and happy, but the name has not yet been announced.

Waiting, Patience, and all that other irritating stuff

Grandkid seems to have no intention of coming. He is completely disregarding the wishes of the adults who are all standing around waiting, car keys in hand. DIL has tried walking, bending, squatting, smelling some sort of natural oil that's supposed to induce labour, and blowing bagpipes. A few twinges, a false hope or two...and then nothing. Grandkid is comfortably ensconced and refuses to budge until summer. The only thing to do is try to ignore it and turn our attention to something else. That said, as we go about our regular activities, I know every sense of every adult in the house is tuned keenly into DIL's every move, every sound she makes, her very breath. The air vibrates with it. Being under such hopeful scrutiny must be driving her crazy.

Sometimes the universe has a different timetable than we do. We think something should happen to us right now and we get upset when it doesn't. It's one thing to believe God is at the helm and directing our lives for our good, and quite another to consequently say, "Thy will be done." Those four words can have a powerful effect on our lives, but they're very difficult to say and mean. Like two-year-olds, we stamp our feet and insist we know best. We have to go deeper, let go of our pride, our sorrow, and our hope, and learn to trust. The few times I've actually practised this, it has been well worth it, and the rewards have been astonishing.

So I'll do Sudoku and watch movies and walk the dogs and putter with my plants and try to let nature take its course without my assistance...or insistence.

Still Decluttering Each Day

I've been carrying on with my downsizing and decluttering, as I wrote about earlier. Mostly I've ditched clothes, but I've let go of a book or two as well, and two watches that no longer worked but seemed "fine" other than that... We do hang onto the stupidest things, don't we?

I'm also working on letting go of a grudge, which is a sort of emotional decluttering. Feeling bad about something or someone doesn't do you any good, and it certainly doesn't affect the person you have the grudge against, so you may as well let go of it. The Dalai Lama says that if you have the confidence you can handle whatever arises, you don't get angry. Anger tends to come from the fear that you can't control something. Well, it's time to confront negative feelings and let go of that anger.

I don't tend to take offense easily or get angry with people, in general. Having this negative feeling toward someone is new to me, and I find it uncomfortable and unwelcome. As I move into this next phase of life, as new life enters my home and I burrow deeper into home, I want to do it with a cheerful mind and an uncluttered heart.

Awaiting the new baby

Grandkid due any moment now, and it's like waiting for Christmas morning. "Is today the day?" is the first thought in my head when I wake up. I know he'll come when he's ready, and really, there's no rush. I mean, it's certainly easier having him as he is now -- portable, quiet, no fuss. Once he comes, there's no turning back. Then we'll be plunged back into the two-in-the-morning screaming sessions and the diapers and the anxiety and sheer finickiness of caring for a leaky, frail, little person. I remember bringing my own sons home and feeling as if I were dressing a raw chicken. So many things to care for! So many bits and pieces to clean! So delicate and easy to injure! Yes, it's definitely easier now, while he's still unborn.

But I can't wait to meet him.

I love looking into a newborn's eyes. Such peace, such quiet wisdom, as if -- if he could only talk -- he could tell you great wonders. Maybe that's why God keeps newborns from speaking right away. He doesn't want them spilling the beans about where they just came from. He waits until the memory fades a bit before allowing them language. :)

Editing the next manuscript

I got the edit copy back from my editor yesterday, in preparation for publication this fall, and now I'm plunged into the maelstrom once again. It's like this every time -- having to leave what I'm currently writing and immerse myself back into a story I finished seven months ago. Sincerely, I don't remember the old story once I am deep into the new one. It's like being plucked from a nice warm bath and dropped into icy Lake Ontario and then told to dive for pennies at the bottom.

It's funny how I can work an eight-hour day in my cubicle and it feels like it's going to drag on forever, but I can sit down to write fiction and when I next blink, it has been nine hours. And I don't even remember time going by. I rise up out of the story gasping for oxygen and gape like a fish, completely disoriented. Fiction is always more real to me than reality.

I'm sure it makes me difficult to live with.

Pet Peeve

Someone I know posted a quote on Facebook with the intention that we all pass it along if we agreed with it. I agreed with the sentiment, but I couldn't bring myself to forward it. Why? It had the word "alway's" in it. Spelled just like that. Alway's. There is absolutely no excuse for such blatant disregard of the proper use of apostrophes. What would possess someone to do such a thing? Anyone who is smart enough to design a pretty meme and post it on the Internet is surely smart enough to learn the basics of punctuation.

This is the sort of thing that makes me want to run screaming into the night with my hands flailing above my head.

Old Landscapes, New Eyes

A friend has a house in Grand Bend, on Lake Huron. When a tornado came through a while ago, her house sustained a lot of damage, and she lost 40 trees on her property. These were over a hundred years old, tall oaks and pines, and she said the entire landscape and feel of the place has changed.

I write a lot about finding the perfect place to live, looking at real estate, daydreaming about living life somewhere else. But it doesn't hurt to stop and remember once in a while -- you may find the perfect landscape, but landscapes change. Earth doesn't stay the same forever. You can't depend on externalities. Life is about growth and loss and change and adaptation. So instead of trying to find the best place to live, it makes much more sense to take the place you live in and make it the best you can. As was said in Conference last week, you don't need new landscapes, you need different eyes. Be open to the beauty where you are. Place after place is the right place.

I may not have the best view when I look out the windows of my house. There's no lake, no grove of trees, no mountain or meadow. But when I look inward, when I think of the people in my home, the purpose of my home, I can see that the inner landscape suits me just fine.