Monday 7 November 2022

Looking for Gloves in all the Wrong Places

(Apologies to Johnny Lee)

It's that time of year again, when normal people put away their summer clothes and pull out their winter clothes. I don't tend to have summer and winter clothes, just as I don't really have casual and formal clothes. I have about five outfits, and I cycle through them all year round. I wear sandals up until the snow flies, and then I pack them with me, wear boots to wherever I'm going, and swap them for the sandals once I'm indoors again. 

I keep my outerwear (coat, hat, muffler, gloves) in the front closet year round. They are somewhat shoved to one side, but they don't get stored anywhere else. The smaller stuff is kept either in my coat pockets or in a fabric shopping bag on the shoe shelf. No variation, year after year.

Why is it, then, that every fall, when I pull it out to wear for the first time, I can never find my gloves? And why is there always a stray black mitten no one in the family recognizes or claims? Why do I find two left-handed gloves but never a right-handed one? Do they crawl away by themselves when I'm not looking? Do we have elves? Are the Borrowers living under my floorboards?

I find the same thing with gardening gloves every spring. Lots of left-handed ones, no right-handed ones, and every single glove has holes in the seams.

And while we're at it, whose snow boots are these? Why is there only one left-footed boot size 9 but no right one? No one in the house wears a size 9, incidentally. Is there someone out there wandering around with one soaked left foot? And how did we end up with a Molson Canadian ski hat when none of us drink beer?

These are the questions that keep me up at night.

No comments:

Post a Comment