Thoughts about success

Yesterday I watched an episode of Queer Eye featuring a young man, about 27, who had a loving wife, darling children, a beautiful home, and meaningful work he cared passionately about, but who still felt like a failure because he had been injured and discharged from the military at 21. He had wanted to make the military his career, but he had to find something else instead. And even though he loved what he was doing, he saw his injury and discharge as a failure.

It astounded me that he couldn't see the success he had made of his life, the contribution he made to society, and the value his family and friends placed on him. I wondered how many times I also focus on the failures and don't see the achievements. I'm reading a book right now by Bill Heavey who says that most people experience failure more than success in life, which is why his writing (about bumblings and misadventures) strikes a chord with his readers. 

It's a refreshing thought, to think of failure as just a part of your success instead of a deterrent to it. But often people try to cheer you up or motivate you by saying things like "Failures can be the stepping stones that lead you to greatness." But to my way of thinking, failures can just be failures, with no meaning or benefit attached. They just are what they are. They don't need to be anything else. And everyone has them. Here is something I tried and didn't do well at. Here's something I regret. This is where I fell on my face in front of everybody. Those moments remain stacked in a corner somewhere or strewn about the place like spare bricks left over from a project. The trick is not to let them trip you up as you move along (or to throw them at other people). And yes, maybe one day they'll be useful, just as leftover bricks can be useful for a different project. Oops, dropped another one. Why didn't that work? Okay, learn from that and try again. Or they might just stay there in a pile, unused and possibly unlearned-from. 

The key, for me, is not to let them make you feel like a failure yourself. Look at those messed-up bricks and remind yourself that their very existence indicates that you tried. I don't know that you can look back at every endeavour and comfort yourself with that quote about failing while daring greatly; sometimes what we fail at wasn't great or noble in the first place and maybe wasn't worth doing anyway. But we grasped something by the horns and went for it anyhow. And ultimately, that's better than sitting quietly doing nothing for fear of spilling more bricks. 

Will I be able to look at my discarded tap shoes, my rejection letters from publishers, my unfinished sewing project, my botched paint job, my incomplete Masters Degree differently? Maybe. Maybe not. But hopefully I'll learn not to pick up one of those bricks and bash myself in the head with it quite so often!