So son number two found out from son number one that the temperature was -56 yesterday in Manitoba, and he's rethinking his plans. Maybe he'll go visit for a week or two in the summer and just find a fulltime job here in Mississauga. And stay in my basement.
I'm having a weird reaction to that decision. I didn't want him to go initially. But I got my head around it, accepted the inevitable, and braced myself for him to leave home. I even started letting myself envision what life would be like without him here. And now he's not going. And I can't decide if I'm pleased or irritated.
A friend of mine struggled for a long time with cancer and eventually it looked like she was going to lose the battle. She got her affairs in order. Her family braced themselves, reluctantly accepted, understood. And then my friend got better. The cancer was conquered. And she went into a depression, and her daughter (with whom she is very close) also became depressed and lost her way for a while. Even when we don't like where things are going, once we accept and prepare for them to go that way, it's a bit of a shock when things don't go that way after all. We are thrown off balance. Maybe in a small way, that is what I am experiencing. I've never been good at switching horses mid-stream.
Of course I'm happy he's staying. I feel a sense of relief that I can keep him a while longer. But I know it's inevitable - one day I will have to let go of him. And then I'll have to get my head around it yet again. I'd rather only have to do that once.
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