You know you're a mother when...

• You're sitting in a high-power meeting at work and find a pacifier in your pocket.
• You realize you own nothing that's "dry clean only."
• You consider it decadent if you sleep in until six-thirty.
• You find marbles in your garbage disposal.
• Your fridge is full of plates with half-eaten jawbreakers on them.
• You make your own birthday cake, light the candles, blow them out, and then serve everybody else first.
• You can wear a Batman Band-Aid without humiliation.
• You can cook, dress, tie shoes, drive, or change a diaper one handed. Or a combination of them at the same time (still one handed).
• You go to lunch with your boss and tell him to eat his veggies.
• You're given a choice between Royal Doulton and paper plates, and you choose the paper plates.
• You can shower, do your face, teeth, and hair, and get dressed in under two minutes.
• Your tax return is signed in green crayon.
• You can peel potatoes with your eyes closed.
• You can find a specific piece in a 30-pound bucket of Lego but you can't find your car keys in your own purse.
• You throw a fancy dinner party and serve celery sticks with peanut butter on them as an hor d'oeuvre.
• You have Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham memorized.
• You know the birthdate, phone number, soccer schedule, and allergies of every kid in the 4th Grade but you can't remember your own PIN number.
• You call the hospital emergency department and they recognize your voice.